Fat Complaining and Killing the Elderly

These are two great shirts available from the Onion, self appointed as "America's Finest News Service" and easily the funniest fake newspaper in the country. If you don't read the Onion you should at least take a look at their American Voices feature. The Onion is also running a $9.99 tee sale at the moment that is expected to last through the holiday season, so act fast.

• I Wish Somebody Would Do Something - About How Fat I am

• If The Heat Doesn't Kill The Elderly I WILL